Reason #263 I Love Living in the Country

You can run around in the front yard in your spiderman underwear trying to scare a flock (do they call them flocks, gaggles?) of turkeys and no one even bats an eyelash.

Jacob "Reading" a Book

Jacob has been LOVING preschool.  They are very big into repetitive lessons.  They have been reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" for 2 weeks now.  Yesterday as we were on our way to school, he pulled out his book and started reading to me.  I was absolutely floored.  Coupled with the fact that he has never been able to hear well, and he has the most incredible underbite that you have ever seen, (It makes his smile oh so cute, but the boy just has the Hardest time pronouncing certain sounds), the most he ever really talks is a few sentences at best.  Even then you have the hardest time understanding him, therefore he gets frustrated, screams, and then you get frustrated with him.  It's a unending cycle. 

That is why when he read me this story, I felt such hope for him.  He has had to read it to everybody in the family.  Repeatedly.  : )

(if you couldn't see the pictures, you would still probably not be able to tell what he was saying) ; )

Burning Question

So, I gotta know. Anybody else's kids holler out embarrasing things as you drag them out of the chapel at church? Such as "I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I gotta pee!"
As loudly as possible?

Doctor's Visit

Last week I took Jacob in for his 6 month checkup for the tubes in his ears. All in all the appointment went great. Our appt. was scheduled for 8:30. We dropped the kids off at school and high-tailed it over there. We ended up getting there at 8:05, being taken back at 8:15 and getting out at 8:27. We had the whole thing over and done with before our original time. I love appts. like that! Jacob's ears looked great, his hearing and speech have improved SO much. Some of the things that he says now are so legible that I wish that people couldn't understand him so well!
While I was signing in and paying as soon as we got there, Jacob was talking to the receptionist at the front desk. He was being unusually good. Even for a normal kid it was great behaviour. He asked me if he could have some germ-x so I gave him a squirt. Too much. He got a tissue to rub some off and as he was walking over to the chairs to sit, he dropped his tissue. All of the sudden Mr. I Own The Whole Waiting Room, hollers at him to "Pick That Up!" Now he didn't throw it on the floor, he dropped it. And I would have made him go and pick it up as soon as I had seen it. So Jacob goes over ever so pleasantly and picks it up. He walks over to Mr. IOTWWR and asks him where the trash can is. Very clearly and plainly. He then rudely tells Jacob that he can't understand a word that he is saying. At that point I finish at the front desk and go over to Jacob and point to the trash can. He goes and drops it in and then comes right back to sit down next to me.
Abigail asks me if she can go and get a magazine from the rack. I tell her sure, so she heads over to grab one. Mr. IOTWWR pipes up and tell her that those magazines are too big for her. She turns to look at me with uncertainty in her face and I LOUDLY tell her to grab 3. One for me, her, and Jacob. I could have cared less at that point that they were all Web MD magazines.
Right at that moment, Mr. IOTWWR is called back and as he passes us, he holds his hand out to Jacob, asks for a high 5 and then asks Abigail for a hug. WHAT!?!?
You big freak, get away from my kids!
I had the good sense not to punch the dude, but man did he have my blood boiling!
Have you ever had an experience when someone tried to take over your job disciplining/reprimanding your children and you almost punched them in the face?

We're Going to be Rich Someday

Why you ask? Because we have a kid that is faster than greased lighning. Think of the possibilities! Track star, the next Michael Phelps, running back, NASCAR driver, oh wait, we don't want that one...
This kid can get into stuff faster than I can clean up the previous disaster.
Case in point.
I put Jacob in the tub so that I could clean the bathroom and keep an eye on him at the same time. Multitasking at its best! He is old enough to leave for a minute while in the tub, so I don't hesitate to go upstairs to tend to Parker who is home with strep throat. When I get back to the bathroom, he has gotten into my jewelry drawer, is wearing my watch, has broken a pearl necklace and is swimming in some suspiciously yellow water. The yellow water turns out to be my $15 oil of olay moisturizer tinted with foundation-hence the pee colored water, and the pearls are just small enough to slide down the drain holes. I manage to scrape up about 10 of them and put them in the lid to the moisturizer. I drag him out of the tub and order him to put on some clothes. He throws himself all over the floor because he wants to wear his batman pajamas. Again. For the 4th day in a row. I have to sneak them off of him after he has fallen asleep so that I can wash them every night. I try to be brave and hold out thinking he will give up on them. While I am cleaning the monsoon up off the bathroom floor I look out and he has poured olive oil all over my nightstand. Yes, it was stored there. Why? I don't know.
I give in and throw his dirty batman pajamas at him and go back to clean up the bathroom. He gets dressed and bites the end of the new thermometer off. I restrain myself from beating him and put him on the couch with threats of a 14 hour nap if he gets up off that couch. I go back to the bathroom to gather up the dirty clothes and promptly knock over the lid that was holding the last of the pearls and they go tumbling down the drain.
Sigh.
The one good thing is, he did not fall asleep so therefore he will go to bed at a decent hour tonight.

Friday Foto January 29, 2010

I found this picture as I was browsing today. This is Jacob at around 20 months. The same age that Matthew is now. Jacob loved to play outside even then. He would sneak out the back door and play out in the yard with rocks, sticks, bugs, anything he could find. It is hard to believe that this picture was only 2 years ago. It seems like so long ago. He even had that crazy faux hawk and mischievious smile already!

But I want cake

Yesterday was a hard day for Jacob. He wanted cake and mom said no. He really wanted cake and mom said no. He threw himself all over the floor and mom still said no. Mom finally thought that she had gotten it into his head that after lunch he could have cake. It was just 8:45 in the morning. (he just may have seen mom eat a piece of cake for breakfast, but that is entirely beside the point)
Mom goes down to the laundry room to fold laundry and Jacob follows. A few minutes later he heads back up to the kitchen. Mom hears a REALLY large knife being pulled out of the knife holder and rushes up the stairs. Mom crashes into a locked laundry room door. Mom is set on breaking down the door to get out and the door miraculously opens with a very scared little boy trying to weasel his way out of a whipping with sweet cries of, "I sorry mommy, I so sorry." The cake already had large cuts all in it.
I was asked one day by a friend who came to our house why I had a super industrial baby proof gate leading into my kitchen. Did I not like my children in there while I cooked? Was it my sanctuary? No, it is to keep Jacob from sitting on top of the fridge, keep him from eating 10 vitamins in one setting, playing with sharp objects like butcher knifes, sitting on top of the stove while turning the eyes on, putting silverware in the microwave, pouring gallons of milk on the floor, and eating every piece of ham out of the fridge. (all true by the way)
You know how parents tell their children they hope that they have children just like themselves so they can see the misery they put their parents thru? I wouldn't wish that on Jacob's wife for the world.

Laugh for the Day

It seems that nearly every other post is always about Jacob. I try to let the other kids "shine", but he is always into something so he is the one that usually gets exploited. This time though, he was good for a laugh.
Yesterday as we were in Walmart, we went to the back to pick up some pictures and they spied the bathroom. Seeing the bathroom automatically triggers the bladder to be instantly full, legs are crossed and they must jump up and down uncontrollably all the while yelping that they have to go! I already had the basket full of things, not to mention we were driving the cadillac that day, so I opened the door, pulled the buggy up to it and parked myself in the doorway so as to insure that there were no weirdos in the bathroom and and none could pass by me. Jacob and Abigail went in and in true fashion, she went and he explored. I would have gone in, but Matthew was buckled in and I really didn't feel like hauling him around. Jacob was in the last stall, (naked) and all of the sudden he leans down and all you see is his bum and his face. He hollers, "Hey mom, what's for supper?" Keep in mind it is about 9:15 in the morning. I don't know why, but that made me laugh all day long.

First day of Primary

Sunday was Jacob's first day of primary. I walked him down to primary and asked for a kiss. After he smacked me on the lips he turned back around and threw his blanket at me. His lifeline. His best friend. I looked at the primary president and with great hope said something along the lines of "growing up in the world." Little did I know.
I peaked in on him about 30 minutes into primary and he was nowhere to be seen. All of the sudden he came barreling around the corner, with a teacher right behind him. "Hi mom!" Drat, I was trying to be discreet. I hid around another corner trying to see if he was even going to sit in his seat. Nope. He did hide in the cabinet under the microphone, run into the bathroom, climb the water fountain, and "help" every child find the picture that was hidden in the game they were playing. His OCD tendencies were very apparent that day.
To every teacher, counselor, and leader in primary, thank you for not tossing him out the window on Sunday. I KNOW he is a handful. Rather 5 or 6 handfuls. We as parents have not given up on him. We do try to teach him patience, reverence, and anger management. We do hope that he will understand the importance of sitting in his seat in a few short weeks. We know that he is very hard to understand, and that when he is not understood he gets very frustrated. Thank you for your love and patience and your willingness to serve our little ones.

If this is what toddlerhood is like, I don't think we can handle teenagers.

We always thought that Joseph or Parker would be the first of our kids to wreck one of our vehicles. Apparently we have bred a NASCAR driver without realizing it.
Yesterday Joseph had a dentist appointment so we were headed out to the school to pick up the kids early. I told Abigail and Jacob to pick up the blocks off the living room floor and I went upstairs to get Matthew out of his crib. I heard the front door open and Jacob head out to the van. (you knew his name was going to pop up, didn't you) I really didn't think too much of it because he does it all the time. I came downstairs with Matthew and looked out the front door and the van was not there. That struck me as odd for a half a second and then I came to my senses and screamed, "WHERE IS THE VAN?!" I looked closer and I saw it sitting among the trees down the hill. It was totally like a movie, running in slow motion. I ran screaming down the hill for Jacob and I could see him in the driver's seat crying. I had to climb over the fence and thru all the poison ivy and weeds. I could barely open the door because the fence was jammed up against the driver side door. I kept asking him, "What happened? What happened?" His only reply was, "The car. The car." There was not a scratch on the child. You would think that somebody standing in the drivers seat only holding on to the steering wheel, careening backwards, down the hill at probably 15 mph would have been flung around the car, but apparently he has superhuman strength and was able to hold on.

The best I can figure is a) He grabbed the keys out of the house and decided that he was going to start the car and be helpful, (yeah right!) or b) He grabbed the keys out of the house and decided that he was going to start the car and be mischievious. (yeah, that one sounds more like it!)
So I call Joe, because now I am in a huge predicament. I have 7 kids. There are not many vehicles that we can fit in. He doesn't answer. I am not really sure what I thought he would do at that precise moment anyhow. I am still thinking "got to get to the dentist on time" so I go slipping down the hill in the mud, crawl thru the van and pull out carseats and throw them in the truck. By this time I am dripping with sweat. We high tail it to the school where the boys are sitting in the front office waiting on me. Joseph looks at me like "why are you so late?" I just shoot him a look and say, "You have no idea." We get to the dentist only 10 minutes late where we explain very calmly why we are running late.


Later that evening when Joe got home, he got on the tractor and pulled it out of the woods, off the fence, and out of the mud.



Joe asked Jacob if he wrecked mama's car. Jacob looked very panic stricken and wouldn't answer. Joe asked him again and Jacob said, "No Sham." (that is how he says no, ma'm) Joe said, "Well, who did it?" Jacob replied, "Parker".

Joe said it is probably totaled. It will cost more to get it fixed than it is worth at this point. I was really hoping to get 300,000 miles out of it. I was almost there with 268,000.

This is where it came to rest up against 2 trees.

This is a view of the back side. It looks like an accordian. The metal is just rippled and the bumper is folded in half.

This is the back of the van. The back window busted and flew out into the woods. My beloved stroller survived!

This is a view of the house from where the van was sitting. That little person on the hill is Parker. This gives you an idea of how far it traveled.

We are driving my brother-in-law's suburban. Thank goodness for family with extra vehicles lying around!

IF this child survives to be a teenager, he will NEVER get his license. I can just hear the insurance company now....hmm, If he totaled a car at the age of 3, yep, let's push their rates thru the roof!

All in all, we are truly thankful that he is ok. As Joe put it, it is probably a lot like our Heavenly Father looks at us. We couldn't punish him, more than he had punished himself. We hugged him, kissed him, and told him we were so glad that he was ok. Along with NEVER GET IN THE VAN AGAIN! Heavenly Father loves us and forgives us for the really dumb stuff that we do.

Hopefully the insurance company will forgive us!

Progress so Far

Disclaimer: Potty talk ahead.
So we have been potty training. Tuesday went great. No accidents. Wednesday went great. No accidents, but a much needed trip to town with extra underwear and shorts had to be made. As we get ready to leave I tell everybody to go to the bathroom. Abby went inside of course. Gabe decided he would use the pee tree. (I should explain. We live in the woods with lots of trees. One in particular, has a hole in it down at the base. If you, ahem, aim just right and hit the hole, then on the other side of the tree is another hole and it comes out the other side. Hence the name "The Pee Tree" has stuck. Every boy in our house uses it. ) So since Gabe used the tree, Jacob had to use the tree. Which is fine really, if all you are going to do is pee. See where I am going? I come outside with Matthew to put him in his carseat, and Jacob is standing there naked of course (why do kids have to disrobe to use the bathroom?). He is pointing and saying, "nasty." I go closer to look and realize at this point that he has not quite gotten the whole concept of the potty training. You only pee on the tree. Not the other.
Abigail looked down and said in her VERY southern twang (if you haven't heard her talk, it will crack you up), "oh, dad is not going to be impressed."
Ok, everybody cleaned up, washed up, and packed up. On to town. Many errands to run. I forget already that Jacob in is underwear and so after we run into Hancock's and run into Mama Mary ; ) we get into the car and he says he has to go. Everybody is already in the car so we "mark our territory" in the parking lot like we have done about 345 other times with numerous boys in our family. On to the dreaded Walmart. We get into the store and Abigail and Jacob have to go. Have you ever tried to manuever one of those obnoxious monstrosities into the bathroom, with 4 children hanging on/off/in the shopping cart? We barely make it thru the door to then wait in line, behind people who have never had children and CANNOT believe that you would bring your children into a store with you, much less the bathroom. We wait in line pleasantly and use the bathroom, once again disrobing in the stall. Wash our hands, use 15 yards of paper towels and crush the trash can behind the door on our way out. On to get the 5 things that we had to come all the way into town for. Man, do I miss those big helpers of mine!
We get home make supper, eat, play, get ready for baths, and he pees in his underwear as he walks into the bathroom. Perfect timing. I am not going anywhere today!

It's that Time...

You know it's potty training time when your 3 year old brings you wipes and a diaper and tells you he has "pee pees" on. I really don't like potty training. To be honest, I don't know of anybody who likes it. It will be nice to only have one child in diapers though. Wish us luck!

Exhausted

This week we have our wonderful friends from Virginia down to visit. They have 2 children so combined with ours it has been very busy around here. Jacob went to bed late last night and woke up way too early this morning. By 5:00 this evening he was rubbing his eyes and running into the walls. We took our company out to eat and Joseph and Parker babysit for us. When they said the prayer for supper, they said that Jacob was unusually reverent. After a minute they looked at him and he was sound asleep.

This boy plays hard!

Country Boy

This is what I found the other morning when I looked outside. The owner of these pajamas and diaper was having a grand ole time playing outside and peeing on the trees. All I have to say is it is a good thing that we live in the middle of nowhere, because I know we would have angry neighbors calling us to inform us that our son was out using their bushes as his own personal bathroom. (plus we are so loud and obnoxious that we would be kicked out of a subdivision)

Ninja Turtle

Have you ever found something in a spot that just absolutely bewilders you and makes you laugh?
I was getting gas this morning on my way to take the big boys to a merit badge clinic. After I was finished pumping the gas, I tried to close the door to the gas tank and it kept getting stuck. I looked down in there and this is what I found..........

This ninja turtle came with the movie that I got for Jacob when he got tubes put in his ears. I guess he was our "protection" today.

A Day of Rest? Yeah Right!!

This morning we headed out bright and early to the surgi-center for Jacob to have tubes put in his ears. I have always felt that one of the reasons that he does not speak well, is that he cannot hear. We had him tested and sure enough, his ears were filled with fluid. I know that this probably sounds horrible, but I was glad that they were finally going to put tubes in after a year and a half. Not that I wanted him to be in any pain, but if your head is under the water in a swimming pool all the time and people are talking to you, you cannot hear them! That is what it was like for him. Now that the fluid is drained, we really hope that will improve his speech. (along with his listening!)

He did great. He headed back with the nurse in a little wagon and just waved. Mom cried of course. It was over in less than 30 minutes and boy was he mad when they brought him to us. They told us that he would be sleepy today and just want to lay around and relax. Mom's translation: Yes! I will be able to get a TON of stuff done around the house while he relaxes on the couch with his big brother! Wrong!! There is nothing normal about this kid. This is what he did for about 3.5 minutes when he got home.



THIS... is what he did for the remainder of the day. This is his normal everyday attire. I had him in nice comfortable pajamas to relax in. I bought him a new movie, snacks, and his brothers were all jockeying for the chance to lay down with him and snuggle in leiu of doing their chores today. He stripped down to his diaper, (nope, not potty trained yet) and got into the stash of candy on dad's desk. This is about the 5th lollipop that I caught him with. He spent the day playing outside, tormenting his sister, hitting his brothers, and sitting in the corner for quite a while.




A day of rest? Not around here!

Mother's Day

For Mother's Day this year I received beautiful roses from Joe. Unfortunately I didn't think to take any pictures.
This "flower" was presented to me by Jacob. He was outside after we got home from church and brought me this beautiful flower. I think that it is the most beautiful weed I have ever seen.

When you can't find the 2 year old, it ALWAYS means trouble.

Sunblock (brand new bottle)

Baby Powder (those ARE BLUE jeans)

Yesterday was such a beautiful day. We had the windows and doors open. Kids running thru the house. It was great. All of the sudden I realized that Jacob hadn't been around for about 10 minutes. Everybody went on a hunt for him. I found him when I saw an open van door. I rounded the corner to the van and an overwhelmingly smell hit me in the face. Baby powder. A Lot of baby powder. As Joseph said, it could have been worse. It could have been the contents of his diaper. The seats, the floor, my wallet, the carseats, and especially him, were covered.
It reminded me of the time when Joseph and Parker were about 8 and 6 and they had these guns that you cocked and they popped when you shot them. One day I walked upstairs to a storm of baby powder. You could barely see thru the haze. They had filled the barrels of the guns with powder and shot them. I think that they had seen a western and were reenacting. Powder is a lot easier to clean up than sunblock however.

This morning I woke up to cries of, "Jacob is white! He dumped out the sunblock!" Jacob can crawl out of his bed. Usually I hear him tromp down the stairs, but this morning I was sleeping hard. It was about 6:45 and Gabe and Abby were already up and watching t.v. I was trying to get a little more shut eye.

I came racing into the kitchen, and sure enough he is fingerpainting with a very aromatic white liquid all over the computer desk. Lovely. The whole desk smells like sunblock no matter how much I scrub.

As I sit here typing I have this urge to kick off my shoes and run my toes thru the sand. I wish I were at the beach right now.

No wonder I have so much laundry

This pile of towels is what happens when SOMEBODY leaves a bathroom door open allowing a CERTAIN 2 year old to enter and wreak havoc upon the contents of said bathroom. Not only were these towels just laundered and folded (and actually put away, which is the real miracle), the water was left to run for about 3 hours. Thank goodness for the little drain holes at the top of the sink! Thank goodness we also have a well or I am sure the water bill would have rivaled a pool fill during mid summer! I guess he decided to wash them all by hand in the sink. What a good pioneer boy he would have made! ; )